After much thought and consideration
I’ve come to a decision that will change this situation
A resolution that will affect my atmosphere
Letting go to what I hold on so dear
Pending a destination that’s unfamiliar
I stride to a rhythm that keeps me from falling under
Grind into the ground the rubbish I discover
While I break off the sins I’ve covered
Returning to the core that made my heart whole
And seize the moment that will enrich my soul
Dampen my purpose as I let my self go
Unbound, released, as you take control
Lead me down the waterline
Where healing waters intertwine
So this soul can one day find
A reason to live this life of mine
I don’t know what it was about my childhood that influenced me to swim against the current. Even before Christ bursted into my life, I knew deep down in my heart there was a bigger plan. I grew up in a very rough neighborhood where eveyday I had to defend myself either verbally or physically. I lived in a house that was loud and violent. It was my mother, my father, and my 4 older brothers that made my house a riot. I have great childhood memories, and I have bad ones that marked my life resulting into some bad decisions. And as crazy as it sounds, I would not have traded shoes with anyone else in the world. But, I can’t help but ask is this what God intended to happen in my life? My father left when I was about 12 and then moved to Puerto Rico when I was 15. My mother was left to raise 5 kids and slaved away to make ends meet. I remember when we didn’t have enough money for food and yet we never went starving. When the heat bill wasn’t paid on time in the middle of winter and yet we never went cold. God has a funny way of showing his grace and master plan. The rollercoasters that I’ve endured have been lifechanging. It is true that I come from a crazy family, my personality and character reflects craziness. Still I cannot ignore how He shaped and molded my character to be strong and courageouse.
Remaining faithful extended so far for me. Everyday I hoped for tender moments and still I was constantly surrounded by chaos. I learned early on that faith wasn’t tangible. I somehow understood that there was a deeper part within my heart that beat for something more significant than my chaotic world. It was invisible to my eye but I found it irresistable to ignore the warmth and comfort of a stronger force pulling me in and keeping me safe.
I cry when I am alone sometimes, not only for myself, but also for a dying world. A world that needs change. My world was flipped upside down when He came into my life. I look back at my childhood and see how much everything has changed. How many time God had to intervene in the times that I needed him most, and HE still does it to this day. We all have encountered it one way or another, both physically and mentally. It can be good in many ways, yet scary as hell itself. (excuse me for being so blunt) but a transformation can be scary. It takes a lot to realize that God is all we need to rid ourselves from a meloncholic life. Someone once said, “Attitude is the way you mentally look at the world around you. It is how you view your environment and your future. It is the focus you develop toward life itself.”
There’s one thing that I learned through out the years and that is change comes from the inside out. My attitude towards life is more vibrant and lucid than ever before, all because I am accessible to His change.
la Unica rEiNa