In order to write well it is always best to write what you know. It is the least to say that I have faced many trials and errors in my life but this story is a little different. This story will relate to the masses who journeyed to Nashville and I hope it will also serve as relief in the comfort that they don’t face the same fears alone. Like everyone else who leave their hometown to venture towards the land of opportunities, Nashville would steadily become a place we would call home.
In the face of reality we had to find steady jobs to keep afloat. And after settling a year in a half later I can honestly say we have crossed many paths, faced many demons, made many friendships, and found a great church to plug into. But something was missing from our DNA! The sense of “wanting to belong” lingered on our hearts. Jess and I have always marched to the beat of our own drums, we always steered away from clicks and cliches. But we had this deep overwhelming feeling of falling. A sense of anxiety overcame our hearts, and we didn’t know how to stop ourselves from feeling this way. “What was the purpose of our move to Nashville?” That was the question that laid heavy on our hearts. With this blurred vision, our journey became stagnant, an uncomfortable place in which Jesse and I did not want to be. This dormant season made for a very interesting experience. Where once the familiar now became unfamiliar, and we found ourselves second guessing our every move.
Speaking from my own experience, I felt I was quickly diminishing. Everything that made up my DNA was invalid and I felt I had to recreate myself. I was trying to prove myself worthy ALL THE TIME. My palms would become sweaty, my forehead would begin to sweat, and my stomach would start turning in directions one should not utter out loud. It became exhausting! I even caught myself practicing the lines in my head of what I should say and how I should say it before I would say it. I was losing my identity. I was falling into a cycle of intimidation.
The latin word intimidation is intimidātus and that means “to make afraid.” Now if anybody who knows me, and knows me well then they can vouch for me when I say, “I do not get intimidated very easily!” I would rather poke my eye out before I let someone else belittle me and make me feel less than worthy. Nashville is an incredible city where talented and innovative people come to pursue their dreams. But it is also a city where people can conveniently fall into the routine of monotony and identity crises. A place where fear can filter the mind and make you doubt your calling and purpose.
2 Timothy 1:6-7
6 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Even the greatest need affirmation. Paul speaks here of a need for Timothy to rekindle the gift God had given him. There are many things that we can’t fix, but there are some things that can, and our gifts can lead to that of healing and restoration. Our journey, and the power of the Gospel can be life-changing for ourselves as well as the people around us. We need to be prepared for the opportunities that God will give us to be a witness. What’s the challenge? To be the best servants we can be! To live life extraordinary. This is certainly not the time to loose our focus, but to strengthen our commitment. God has given us certain abilities, and we need to train ourselves to use them to the fullest.
Our journey now still isn’t easy, but we refocused our attention to whats important and not to whats expected. Jesse and I have decided to take the challenge and put into practice more to trust in God as oppose to man. We know our calling and we know why we are in Nashville, now its just a matter of following through what God called us to do. In doing so, “NO” will be in our vocabulary a lot more, and we may have to use it towards situations that may seem like an incredible opportunity but it doesn’t always mean that its the BEST opportunity.
Remind yourself who you are and whose you are! Speak authority into your life and into your families life. Love out loud and make a different with the tools that God has gifted you with.
And to make you laugh I thought this video is the perfect anecdote to help bring you back to focus…or just bring a smile to your face…
“because I am good enough, smart enough, and dog garnet, people like me!”
La Unica Reina
Obscure journeys to the unknown is scary and risky. Sometimes life and its obstacles can bring uncertainty to an individual. We are fashioned into understanding the concept that if you can see it and touch it then its real in all its essence. But its those risk takers that are willing to believe in something that they cannot yet see but can visualize. The dreamers and visionaries are the ones that take that leap believing that something or someone will catch them. They wholeheartedly understand that although they can’t see the 1,000 piece puzzle in its in entirety, they somehow believe that every moment in their life has lead them to the next piece of the puzzle, leading them to their full composition.
The obscurity of vision at times can be discouraging. Not understanding or seeing the “Big Picture” can put a strain on anyone’s life, inputting doubt and fear into our lives. I struggle with this time and time again, but I constantly remind myself that there is purpose in our struggles and trials. In death there is life and in life there is death…(okay I am getting a bit off subject and philosophical) nonetheless, there is truth behind everything. Whether I will learn something from it today or teach someone about it tomorrow, all of it will eventually make sense.
Don’t give up in spite of your present circumstances. Keep believing and you will eventually see the pieces of your life come together.
Until Next Time
I am proud to say that I am a Watkins student! The next 4 years will be intense, stressful, challenging, but most of all an adventure. I am looking forward to the highs and lows within my journey at Watkins. Ready to take on a challenge that God put in my heart a long time ago, . It is my time to fulfill my purpose and my destiny. I am ready to create! Check out the link below and enjoy!
Unitl Next Time
La Unica Reina
One Small Step for man kind one giant step for Zion Max. Zion Max is so freakin amazing! He makes me laugh every chance he gets. I love his sense of adventure when it comes to things around the house, however, getting him to walk has been a challenge. He has this “when I’m ready I’m ready’ attitude, and I love that about him. As many times as I tried to walk with him and then slowly release my hand from his, he refuses to take his first steps. Instead he would gently lower himself to the ground and then clap his hands as though he accomplished something big. I, as a mommy, do not discourage anything my babies do, so I did what any Mommy would do and clap and cheered him on. Because I see it as this, it may not be anything big to us, since we walk all day everything, but for Zion its new, its fresh, just to be able to stand alone with no support is a huge accomplishment for him!
Now, after weeks of trying My Zion has finally taken his first leap of faith into the unknown world of wabblling and collapsing. He has been doing great! And Mommy is sooo Proud. Enjoy the video of Zion’s first steps…
My alarm was set for 6am this morning, and after snoozing it 5 times I finally woke up frantically in a rush at 6:43am. I miraculously was able to bathe, brush my teeth, get dressed, put my make-up on, and prepare my lunch all in a records time of 25min. I jetted out my front door, rushed down the steps (in which I almost fell and broke my neck) ran to my car in a not so cute way, and I did this all in hopes to arrive at work by 7:30am. The Expressway was clear and smooth sailing, which was perfect for me because it allowed me to be at work at my desk ready to receive calls by 7:29am (damn I’m good).
My shift starts at 7:30am and ends at 4pm. I only get two 15min breaks and one 1/2hr lunch. Now I just recently got a temp job doing Customer Service just until I start school next week. I work in the call center and for those who know the basis of a call center then you know that it is where customer service reps (such as myself) provide a service, via telephone, to the customers and or clients that call in. The problem I have is that you need customers to actually call in to complain or request assistance or whatever the need that is required so that you can provide the service to them. I only received 3 calls tops the entire day 2 of the 3 averaged out to about 6min each. The rest of my day was DEAD, BORING, UNPRODUCTIVE, LIFELESS, POINTLESS…you guys get the picture! That can drive any logically sane and normal human being into the insane asylum for real. Seriously people…I am almost checked myself in today. I had so much dead time that, believe it or not, I actually wrote this blog down on paper then typed it in deleted it and then typed it in again…I know people I know…just another case of the Mondays. So here is what I did today
-Had 3 cups of black coffee just to stay up
-Played 48 games of Hangman
-Played the “You must choose” game
-Played about 15 games of Skee Ball
-A couple of Mad Libs
-Surfed the web
-Web shopping (similiar to window shopping only you do it on the internet)
-Read several cool blogs
-Oh and I answered about a total of 6 calls., but 3 really don’t count since they were transfers. Not to mention the 3rd and last call was right before my shift ended and it tapped over past 4 o’clock and I was like aint this a @#$@#%@#%!@#…I wait all day for a call and 5 min before I leave I finally get one only to last for 35min…..not cool…not cool at all.
Just another Case of the Mondays
Until Next Time
La Unica Reina
I know ideally how I would like my first home to look. I have an obsession with vintage things so without a doubt I know that I want a mid-century touch to my home. But I am also fascinated with new and modern designs that can bring elegance and simplicity to a home, and of course personal eclectic touch to my place that will make it unique in style. Ideas are derived from my own creative imagination, mid-century architects and designers, other inspirational rooms and colors, and people. Here is one that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside… ( – :
I have learned throughout my years that inspiration can come from anywhere and anyone! From the sun setting and cascading an array of breathtaking colors across the sky to a smile so genuine and pure that it can ignite and uplift any soul. I have learned this because not only have I experienced it, I have lived it.
Community is so important to a persons life, it is vital to support and encourage one another for the greater cause . When we unite and uplift each other we create a chain reaction, causing people to be different, to swim against the current and rise above the waves.
Here are just some of the people that inspire me.
Jesse Santoyo – He is amazing in every way a man can be. He is a great leader, teacher, father, husband, songwriter, musician, artist, entrepreneur, and friend. He speaks with directness and compassion. He holds himself with pride but is never prideful, and he loves people and community. He wants to change the world through the arts. Jesse sees the world half full and not half empty. He believes in people, encourages people, and inspires people. He is my hero…
My boys – Diego Alexander & Zion Max -They are my riot of color in my dreary gray world…They make me laugh, sing, and at time go crazy…lol. They pour life into my world. They give me so much to look forward to and then some. I pray that I can raise them to be the men of God they were called to be…They inspire me to paint, to design, to teach, to laugh when it hurts, and to love unconditionally…I love my boys…
Kelly Johnson – Not only was this woman my pastora..lol..she is an amazing Mommy. She devotes her whole life to her 3 children: Kourtney, Mckenna, and Blake. The creative activities that she comes up with are impressive, and she somehow makes it educational in every way. Aside from being an amazing mom she is an incredible artist..she bakes and designs some amazing cakes..I post a few so that you may see for yourself. She inspires me to lead my children with dignity and respect, she (without realizing that she does) helps me to create new ways to teach my boys about God, people and life.
Michelle & Joseph Bulger– I have never met a person such as her. SHE IS CRAZY! But the most genuine, thoughtful person you will ever meet. She cares about people, believes in people, and hopes for people. She too is an incredible mommy, devoted to her children like a mother should. She is a true friend…she tells me things that I like to hear and things that I don’t like to hear but God knows I need to hear it. She is a straight shooter, what you see is what you get with her (a rarity in this day and age). She inspires me to love out loud, never never judge, for you may never know what that individual has gone through or what they are facing, and believe in myself because she believes in me. A rare friend indeed. Oh and Joseph is cool too….lol
Jennifer Polanco – She has no idea how much she inspires me! She is an incredible woman. The most pure at heart. She is compassionate and a talented artist (although she may not think so) her work speaks for itself. She is an occupational therapist and pours words of life into people who think that there is no hope for them, and she manages to turn a lifetime of doubt and sorrow into hope and joy. She gets nervous when she speaks but when she does she speaks life. She’s smart, devoted, courageous, passionate, and hard-working. She is beautiful in every way.
Who do you inspire and who inspires you? When we encourage each other we strengthen each other. Love out loud!
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…
Until Next Time
La Unica Reina
July 6th, Zion Max turns 1 years old. My heart skips a beat every time I accept the fact that my boys are growing up way too fast! Where does the time go?
My pregnancy with Zion was night and day compared to Diego’s, not to say the least in comparison to their personality and character. Unlike Diego, Zion has me on my toes 24/7! His risk taking, adventurous, and curiosity personality can make any mother go bonkers! But he has so much life and soul to him. His smile can light up a room, His laughter can breath life to the lifeless, and his eyes can make a grown man cry. The passion that stirs in his heart is ridiculous! I thank God everyday for him.
Just like Diego, Zion was a beautiful surprise. God has a way of showing up in our lives when we least expect it! When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked, we weren’t planning to have another baby for awhile. So when the news became apparent, I was speechless. The pregnancy in itself started off rough and landed a bit rough, but the arrival was spectacular. Zion could not have come at a better moment in our lives!
As much as he is a momma’s boy, he loves and adores Jesse. He recognizes and jams out to Jesse’s music, which I think is amazing. He loves to play air drums! He stares and studies Jesse so intently, and who knows, he may probably be thinking to himself how much he wants to be like him when he grows up. Jesse is an amazing leader and teacher to him. You can literally see in Zion eyes how much he admires and loves his daddy…its amazing to watch.
Zion is everything I had asked for in my prayers and more. A gift of life! Happy Birthday my gorgeous baby boy. You and your brother will one day change the world…you’ve already changed ours…